Don't Forget Your Shield!

Too much sports? This has been a hot topic over recent years, having seen it debated through various forms of media as well as virtually all of the “social circles” that I have involvement. One thing is certain to me. THERE IS A LOT OF DISAGREEMENT.  Not surprising to me since my own stance has altered somewhat with the “changing of times”.

Before we go any furthur, lets get a couple of things out of the way. First, this topic is concerning young people that really like sports and require little encouragement to jump right in. Parents that continuosly push their child to play sports is a separate topic for another day. Also, in order to discuss a broad topic like this, we must take a general approach. There are exceptions to most things and kids are no different. I understand that each  child and their circumstances are unique. What’s good for one may not be good for another.

As I stated earlier, my stance has changed over the years. In the past, I was completely focused on a “healthy balance” and thought that sports schedules of many families made it impossible to achieve balance. By the way, I consider a healthy balance to be an ample amount of time given to academics, “family time”, church activities, extra curricular activities such as sports, and chores. I still believe in having a healthy balance, but I now understand that sports cannot be blamed as to why a child’s life is not “balanced”. Here’s why:

Sports provides a “balance” of positives in a child’s life.

1. It teaches so much that assists a kid in deveoping skills necessary to be a successful adult. These include developing discipline, being more responsible, learning to work with others, developing work habits, setting/achieving goals, and handling adversity, just to name a few.

2. Sports can be great family time. For instance, I have a 14 year-old boy that’s played baseball since age six. When I reflect on our 14 years together, I realize that some of our best family memories have come from sports. Not always from the baseball field, but sometimes  fun family memories come from our travels  to tournaments or experiences that we have had at the motels that we’ve stayed….sometimes even between or after games, not to mention our restaurant outings as a team! Ten baseball families together on a weekend has the potential to generate a multitude of memories!

3.  It’s great exercise and promotes a healthy lifestyle.

4. Christian values can be reinforced during athletic competition…such as sportsmanship. I’ve enjoyed seeing our team huddle together in prayer before each game. Also, some sports programs such as Upward Basketball promotes Christian values at each practice and game. They even provide Christian devotionals at halftime! Check them out.

If your child is playing a lot of sports, they have the opportunity to receive many of the above benefits. Over the last few years, studies show that the majority of children are not playing “too much” (or any) sports. THE MAJORITY OF KIDS IN OUR COUNTRY SPEND MOST OF THEIR TIME PLAYING VIDEO GAMES,WATCHING TELEVISION AND VIEWING THE INTERNET UNSUPERVISED. During my time as a therapist, most of my young clients spend the majority of time viewing the internet(Facebook’s a favorite), texting friends, and also seem to enjoy watching adults behaving badly on reality TV shows. Unfortunately, these things dominate the lives of so many young people and provide few positives. Compare this behavior, which has become the norm, to the extremely structured world of youth sports, which includes adult supervision at all times. I choose sports over the “norm”, hands down.

One last thing. Sports isn’t the only activities that provide great benefit to a child. Your kid may not even like sports. There are numerous activities available with great benefit such as band, clubs (such as 4-H, or the Boy/Girl Scouts) and many others. The key is to get your child involved in positive activities and help them to avoid all of the negatives mentioned in the paragraph above. With few exceptions, structured and supervised activities are good for a child. Most unsupervised activities, not so good. Too much free time with “nothing to do” can lead to some big-time problems. Take the lead as a parent and assist your child in exploring whats right for them. Help your child to get involved. Start today!

I’ve always loved sports. Among my personal favorites is the Olympic Games. Each Olympic experience provides viewers moments of great inspiration. Over the years, NBC has enhanced one’s ability to be inspired by running  those human interest clips between events that they’ve become famous for. These stories often entail the hardships and obstacles that Olympians  face along the way. For me, these clips magnify my interests.

During the 2012 games, one such American athlete received much of the spotlight, Gabby Douglas. Without rehashing the entire story, Gabby’s family faced many hardships and sacrifices to give her an opportunity to be an Olympian. These included financial burdens and lengthy periods of time away from her family. It was also well documented that they placed great dependence on God during these years.

As a viewer, it struck me  that there was an incredible amount of risk in Gabby’s choice to chase the Olympic dream. When weighing risk versus reward, it was a scary proposition. Despite the many sacrifices made by the ENTIRE family, there were no guarantees. There was no guarantee she would make the U.S. team. There was no guarantee that she would then make the Olympic team. And there was surely no guarantee that the Olympics would provide a happy ending…..and millions would be watching the story play out. That’s an almost insumountable amount of pressure.  It must have taken A LOT of trust and faith to make it through the daily pressures and constant scrutiny that comes with this type of dream. But the Douglas family relied on God and dared to move forward with Gabby’s dream.

As a viewer, seeing it all play out with Gabby being awarded the gold medal, was very inspirational. Gabby’s  words following her triumph made it memorable for me:

“ I give all the glory to God. It’s kind of a win-win situation. The glory goes up to Him and the blessings fall down on me.”

Those are words to live by. What if WE fully place our faith and dependence on God and completely hand it ALL over to Him. What if we allow Him to lead us in our daily decision-making and  our main focus in life is to glorify Him? How would doing this impact your parenting and the development of your children? How would it change your family? Remember, when the glory is going up to Him, ultimately the blessings will fall down on you. Once Gabby’s dreams were realized, she was able to use the platform of “Olympic Darling” to furthur the advancement of God. What does God have in mind for you and your family? You will never know until you allow Him to lead. It probably won’t lead you to the Olympics, but maybe something  better.

Click the link below and watch Gabby give the glory to God.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=75Y2TuG66EU

In 1973, the Eagles released one of the all-time great ballads, Desperado. If you regularly tune in to classic rock stations, it won’t take very long for you to hear it. Over the years, I ’ve come to enjoy lyrics that actually make me think and reflect on life. This song has one such lyric:

You’re losin’ all your highs and lows
Ain’t it funny how the feeling goes away.

Sadly, these lyrics ring true in the lives of many adults. Why is this?

First of all, it’s worth noting that kids seem to experience constant highs and lows. Sometimes, as adults, we think they experience far too many! If a child is moving forward in a healthy manner, they will dream big, have a belief in those around them, and truly believe that the possibilities in life are endless. When life is approached in this manner, there are going to be a LOT more highs and lows! This may bring discomfort  to us adults. We may tell ourselves,”Kids just don’t know any better.” We may frequently be focused on reigning in our children, believing that we are simply protecting them. Be careful. Theres a big difference between protecting and limiting our kids. Sometimes, we should take a few cues and learn from them!

As adults, unlike most kids, we stop believing that the  possibilities in our lives are endless. Due to what one perceives as past failures and disapointment,  self-imposing limits and playing it safe become the norm. We structure our lives in a manner that is filled with only what we have to do, leaving minimal time to follow our dreams and dare take risks that may bring great reward. We simply stop believing. When a daily routine begins to define who you are, you’re possibly in the process of “losin’ all you’re highs and lows.” Don’t let that happen…and don’t assist your kids into falling for this trap .

MOVING FORWARD

1) Of course, it’s a parents responsibilty to look out for their children and make sure they are safe. Sometimes we may be OVERPROTECTIVE because we want to shelter our kids from experiencing the “lows”. Be careful. It may hinder your child from experiencing the “highs”. Before acting, analyze your motives and ask yourself if you are being protective or overprotective.

2) It’s never too late for us adults! Theres still a place in your life for your dreams and passions. Begin this process in baby steps. Identify a passion that you have and a small way that you can incorporate it in your life. Every few months, identify a way that you can make it a bigger part of life. Before you know it, you may be experiencing more “highs” than your daily routine previously allowed.  Another benefit of this is that your kids will take notice!

3) If you cannot identify a true passion, pray for guidance. If you’re willing to follow God’s path for you, you’ll have NO problem with experiencing the “highs” that have been missing from your life. This will not only positively impact you……but also your child!

Here’s a link to the Eagles’ “Desperado”. Check out the lyrics.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v80JtLKX_VY

Have you ever listened to the radio and hours later couldn’t get a particular song lyric out of your head? This happened to me this morning as I was preparing for my first work day of the new year.

“Hold on to 16 as long as you can.

Changes come around real soon,

Make us women and men”

John Cougar Mellencamp’s “Jack and Diane” was released in 1982, when I was 16 years old. At that time( 30 years ago), it was my favorite song. Although I knew all of the song’s words, I had no appreciation for the above lyric. Back then, I can remember thinking  “There’s no question that being a man is MUCH better than a 16 year-old kid!”  Now, at age 46, it make SO much more sense to me. Imagine that!

Over the ages, it’s been a common theme for kids to make efforts to rush childhood and attempt to hurry on into adulthood. Unfortunately, in our world today, influenced by many parent’s actions and what kid’s have access to, childhood is accelerated significantly. This results in  kids struggling with adult situations well before they’re mentally prepared.

TEN TIPS TO HELP  YOUR KID  REMAIN A KID

1.  Make YOUR home the “hangout”. You get to know their friends and you are in charge! Believe me, you will learn A LOT!

2. Get to know the parents of your child’s friends before allowing your child to visit. As a therapist, I’ve heard horror stories when this one isn’t followed.

3. Plan more family activities. No explanation necessary.

4. Limit television/computer time and monitor closely. Too much of most anything is not healthy. FYI, there are plenty of so-called reputable websites  that offer options that are one click away from pornographic material.

5. Limit time with video games and allow no mature themes. Studies show that violence in teens has been influenced by these games.

6. Communicate, not interogate your child daily.

7. Involve your family in church, and not just on Sunday!

8. Purchase your child a cell phone that does not allow internet access or texting. A phone with texting and internet access has the potential for much more bad than good.

9.  Keep your child away from social networks and chat rooms. In therapy sessions, this is often identified as a kid’s greatest stressor. It’s not surprising. Many adults can’t handle the social network environment.

10. Make your home an environment that is child-friendly, free from your child viewing behaviors that you wouldn’t want them to model.

Of course, there are more than 10 ways to help your child  avoid growing up too fast. I’m sure you can think of many more. Some of you may be thinking that a kid shouldn’t have listened to John Mellencamp. Maybe you’re right about that! If you get a chance, post some of your own ideas on the topic. Thanks.

Sometimes our children may exhibit near perfect behavior, while at other times their actions may be less than ideal. Regardless of their conduct, who they choose as friends, where they spend the majority of their time, or how protective we are as parents, YOUR CHILD WILL FACE OPPOSITION from peers.

KEYS TO PREPARING YOUR CHILD FOR OPPOSITION

1) Talk with your child on the topic BEFORE  a “crisis” occurs.  Preparation provides your child the opportunity to effectively deal with adversity and quickly move on.

2) While discussing this topic with your child, don’t make it dramatic or give extreme examples. Have a calm, matter-of-fact demeanor as you discuss the topic. Show only facial expressions and body language  that are positive and reassuring.

3) Assure your child that EVERYONE faces some form of opposition from time to time, including YOU. This knowlege will allow your child to know that they are not alone, which is comforting to them. Sadly, opposition is commonplace in our world and there’s little need to try to hide it from your kids. It’s better that your child be conscious of this as opposed to  believing that it’s their own fault(Is something wrong with me?) each time that adversity occurs.

4) Instruct your child to avoid a strong reaction towards those showing oppposition. A strong reaction is often what the “opposing peer” desires. Teach your child assertiveness, not agressive or passive behaviors, and to use as few words as necessary when facing adverse circumstances. Instruct your child to then “leave the scene”.

5) Have your child memorize Romans 8:31. It states, “If God is for us, who can be against us?” Helping your child to understand that God is with them at all times(especially during conflict) can give them strength during difficult moments. Have your child occasionally repeat the verse to you  over the next few weeks.

Chapter Two in my book,  Don’t Forget Your Shield, is entitled, “Dealing With Opposition”. The chapter provides a short story for kids that focuses on properly handling opposition that is inevitable in  everyday life. Chapter Two concludes with instruction and suggestions on improving one’s ability to handle opposition. Equip your child today!

I recently viewed a poll that said 92% of our population has made a New Year’s Resolution at least once in their lifetime. Over the years, most of us have made MANY. I admit that I have made quite a few myself , BUT NOT ANYMORE. My position has changed. I’m now against them….. mainly because I realize that the odds are strongly against their success…..and I need the odds with me as much as possible! Bottom line: The majority of  New Year’s Resolutions are deemed a failure shortly after moving into the new year. I have an opinion as to why this occurs.

First of all, it takes minimal effort to make a resolution. In our society today , minimal effort is quite appealing. Most of us make our resolutions sometime in December. This means that we set our goals weeks in advance of actually making efforts to achieve our goals. It makes us feel good inside, having the “assurance” that great things await us in the near future….January 1 to be precise. Knowing that  a great “turnaround” awaits us starting with the first day of the new year might even allow us to ease  our conscience as we take part in  behaviors that may be contradictory to our resolution. Been there. Done that.

The truth is, if you are serious about setting goals and making positive life changes, the ideal day to start making efforts to advance  is NOW. If you believe that a goal/resolution can be put off, then its probably not of great value to you. Resolutions usually end up as ”just talk”. Our world is full of talkers and you want to separate yourself from this crowd. Be a person of ACTION. As a person of action, there is great benefit. You live a fuller life with more accomplished…. and more importantly, your child receives the blessing of seeing you in “action”. This greatly increases the chance of your child being  goal-oriented and confident as opposed to joining the crowd on the sideline. Remember, children recognize their parent’s patterns of behavior over time….and will often emulate them. This can be a good thing, or a bit scary. Ask yourself  now, talk or action?

THESE are the days to remember. Think about that.  Time passes quickly and we are so consumed by the uncertain future or regrets of the past to simply live in the moment. Pause and enjoy the moment. My two boys will only be 13 and 6 this one time! Will I choose to take it in and understand that I’m experiencing a special and unique period of time or just allow time to swallow me up? What will YOU do?

In 1992, Natalie Merchant released a song that touched on this topic:

these are days you’ll remember
never before and
never since, I promise
will the whole world be warm as this
and as you
feel it, you’ll know it’s true
that you are blessed and lucky
it’s true,
that you are touched by something
that will grow and bloom in
you

these are days you’ll remember

Never before and never since….make EACH and EVERY day a day to remember. Check out Natalie’s take on the topic by clicking on the link below.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QlCS-qf7yaM

There are times in each of our lives that crucial decisions must be made. Do
we choose to keep things comfortable and safe, deciding not to ‘rock the
boat’….. or do we dare depart from our comfort zone, understanding that the
rewards may far outweigh the discomfort we may feel as we venture out into the
unknown. A famous writer once spoke of a dilemma that he faced as a young man,
having to choose between taking the well-traveled road that was most familiar,
or consider taking the road “less traveled”. Unfortunately, for me and many
others, we sometimes find ourselves opting for the easier path through
life.

I understand that it’s only human to make every effort to avoid as
much discomfort and doubt as possible. Speaking only for myself, I can say that
it takes a strong motivation for me to leave the safety and security of my
normal, everyday routine in order to strive for something that will undoubtedly
create challenges and may include additional complications and uncertainty in my
life. I would like to share with you the motivating factors that led me to start
a foundation as well as publish and now publicize a book that I believe can have
a long-lasting positive impact on children. My motivations range from my work
experience in mental health to a young girl in the small country of
Nicaragua.

Over the years that I’ve worked as a therapist, I’ve listened
to clients as they’ve described a multitude of scenarios and unique
circumstances that have occurred over the span of their lives. In therapy
sessions, it’s important to identify and access one’s motives for reacting to
life events in the manner that they do. Many of these reactions, good and bad,
are greatly influenced by fear. Fear is an incredible motivator. I find myself
to be no different when it comes to this powerful emotion. Looking back, I
realize that one of my primary motivations for writing my book was fear…fear for
my own children as I envisioned the many traps and snares awaiting them in a
world that is becoming more opposed to Christian values as each day passes. As a
therapist, I have worked with many young people that have “issues” that most
would find shocking and disturbing. On a professional level, the work has been
fulfilling and rewarding, being given an
opportunity to positively impact the
life of a child. But as a parent, it scared me to think that my children will be
sharing a classroom where these issues exist. Fear motivated me to take action.
I created a tool designed to assist kids in developing the skills necessary to
successfully navigate through an increasingly complicated world filled with
negative influences. This tool is the book I’ve written, Don’t Forget Your
Shield!

Ana, a young girl from Juigalpa, Nicaragua, was my primary
motivation for starting my foundation, Shield The World. Years ago, I had the
privilege of serving at an orphanage in Juigalpa, and was introduced to a
building full of children with their own unique stories of heartbreak. Many of
these children had miraculously survived the streets or abusive homes, truly
fortunate to have been rescued by the orphanage. The orphanage provided
adequately for the children, an accomplishment considering the limited resources
that were available. Although their basic daily needs were being satisfied,
nurturing and love were the missing ingredients in their lives. As we served the
children, this became painfully obvious. They competed for our attention from
sun up to sundown. Each had their own unique strategy and our mission team was
more than happy to oblige them. Although I did my best to give each child equal
time, there was one child that always seemed to stand
out….Ana.

Ana
was 12 years-old when we met. She was a rough kid, lots of scratches and bruises
as she didn’t mind mixing it up with the boys. While most of the girls paid
close attention to neatness and hygiene, it was obvious that these things were
not high on Ana’s priority list. Many of the kids clung to each other for
support, but Ana was not included. It appeared that she was too much of a “tom
boy” to relate to the girls while the boys did not believe it was “cool” to
include her as one of their own. Sadly, she was alone in the world, and this was
evident in her behaviors. She was relentless as she garnered attention from the
mission team, using an “in your face” approach with an endless supply of energy.
It’s hard to explain, but being in her presence was enough to sense a deeply
troubled past. The lady that resided over the orphanage later told me that Ana’s
early years were darker than any child that had entered the orphanage.
I’m
pleased to say that I’ve had many opportunities to revisit Juigalpa over
the past six years and have developed a close relationship with Ana. Although
she has experienced many ups and downs, she has made incredible strides
considering the many obstacles that she has faced in her young life. She would
now be described by most as a “charming” young lady, exhibiting a hint of
confidence and excellent social skills. Although times are always tough in
Nicaragua, she is presently employed and has a safe place to live. The
experience of knowing Ana and seeing her grow has provided a great deal of
inspiration and has motivated me to establish Shield The World, a foundation
that will help kids like Ana around the world in the name of God.

As I
consider upcoming book signings, radio interviews, and speaking engagements, I
realize that I’m in the process of packing my bags, preparing for the “road less
traveled by”….but this time I will go with the understanding that I’m not alone.
So many times in the past, I have chosen to make my own way, refusing to give up
the illusion of being the one in control. I’m proud to say that I now use God’s
road map. “And that has made all the difference.”

Do you sometimes feel inadequate as a parent?  If so, you’re not alone. In today’s world, MANY parents feel this way. Parents have a limited amount of time to develop their child into what is hopefully an adult that possesses solid character and respectable values. Its easy to get discouraged in this process, believing  that you may be one of the few positive influences against a world of negative influence. Unfortunately, these feelings are justified. The paragraphs below are the first of many tools on this site to  assist  you in combating the world’s negative influences and help your child to be a kid that makes good choices and exhibit behaviors that you can be proud of.

Chapter One in my book is entitled, “Showing Love For Others”. The chapter provides a short story for kids that illustrates the advantages of “showing love for others” in their everyday life. Chapter One ends with instruction and suggestions on improving one’s ability to show love on a regular basis.

As a parent, it’s important that you have a “loving home,” meaning that you show your child how to “love others” through your own example. Your kids watch you closely, maybe closer than you realize. The truth is that your actions carry more weight in determining your child’s behavior than your words, much like the old saying “Actions speak louder than words”. In the upcoming years, your child will have numerous opportunities to assess YOUR behavior. They will study your communication style, attitudes, beliefs, values, etc. concerning how you treat/relate to your spouse… and everyone else. In my opinion, this will have the SECOND most  impact on  your child, determing whether they will be a loving and caring person that often places the needs of others ahead of their own wants.

The MOST effective way to help your child develop into a loving person is for YOU to regularly take steps to show love DIRECTLY to your children. This is to be done primarily through your actions —– always putting your child first, making sure that your ACTIONS clearly show how much you love them.

Also, start increasing awareness of communication patterns that you have with your children.  Do you regularly carry an overall positive and uplifting “theme” or do you  to always seem to be showing anger and/or negativity? As a parent, it’s easy to fall into patterns of expressing displeasure over your child’s behavior or spend long periods of time in a “correcting mode”(I know this happens to me more than I’d like to admit). Although the latter is a necessary part of parenting, make sure that there’s a healthy mix of positive/complimentary statements and “I love you’s” each day.

MOVING FORWARD

1.  This week, let your child choose an activity that they would like to do with you. During the activity, make it ALL about them(no phone calls, texting,etc.).  At some point during the activity, make a point of letting your child know how important they are to you.

2. This week,  add some type of volunteer work or selfless act to your schedule. This could be anything from visiting a nursing home to preparing a meal for a less fortunate family. Include your child in this and explain the importance of  “showing love for others”.

3.  This week, pray specifically for the ability to regularly “show love for others” and the drive necessary to be a consistent positive influence on your children through the words that you choose and your daily actions.

Remember, the world that we live in is continuously bombarding your child with messages that reinforce self-centered and selfish behaviors. It’s up to YOU as a parent to combat the negative influences of the world and protect your child. If you don’t act, the world may have more say over how your child  develops than you do! Act now.